


Maybe now

by Gay_Natasha_Saves_The_World



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Healing from the past, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Old Friends, Past Relationship(s), Trains, Unresolved Emotional Tension, bad ending to a relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29751117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gay_Natasha_Saves_The_World/pseuds/Gay_Natasha_Saves_The_World
Summary: He smiled when he thought about Oliver but felt a crushing feeling of regret. Did he love him? Yes, without a doubt. Does he still love him? He hadn’t figured it out yet. Maybe that would be easier to decide if things had been different but they weren’t. His stupid pride had ruined everything for them and he knew it.
Relationships: Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14





	1. The night train

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I wrote this in two days while listening to Taylor Swift and eating thin mints. Follow ezmiho on Soundcloud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percy was heading to London to meet Oliver for the first time in 2 years. It left him much time to contemplate why everything went so wrong between them.

Percy took the night train to London. He wasn’t particularly fond of this mode of transport. It wasn’t like he was fond of other modes either. Magical transportation left him disoriented and he got bad motion sickness when it came to cars. At least the night train left him time to think about what he was doing. 

If it was up to him, he wouldn’t be heading to London. That city was ruined for him a while ago. But when he got a letter from Oliver he knew he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. He needed to see him again. 

The war ruined a lot of things for Percy. He was still trying to make amends with his family and with himself. He had quit the ministry, too disillusioned to ever look back. The one thing he wasn’t ready to do was to try and sort things out with Oliver. 

He smiled when he thought about Oliver but felt a crushing feeling of regret. Did he love him? Yes, without a doubt. Does he still love him? He hadn’t figured it out yet. Maybe that would be easier to decide if things had been different but they weren’t. His stupid pride had ruined everything for them and he knew it. 

Percy had been friends with Oliver ever since their first year at Hogwarts. They fit together perfectly. He was Percy’s first real friend and it’s hard to beat that. The two were practically inseparable for the first year. 

Quidditch came along but Percy didn’t mind. He still hung out with Oliver every moment they could. Plus he was used to being low on people’s priority list. They were still best friends no matter what happened. 

The years went by but they didn’t change. Percy was still Oliver's favorite person. The only person who would let him talk about quidditch and actually listen. He offered him genuine companionship. It was like he was his only friend. 

Percy stared out the window of the train, into the blackness that surrounded him. Maybe the time to think wasn’t going to help him much. He’s had to reopen a lot of wounds lately in a pitiful attempt to heal everything he had hurt. 

“This was a mistake.” He mumbled to himself. This whole thing wasn’t necessary or helpful. Would talking to him after 2 years really do anything but make everything hurt more? He threw his head back into the seat. There wasn’t really anything he could do about now that he was already heading to London. 

They were so perfect for each other. At least they thought they were when they were 16. A lot has changed since they were 16. Percy was trying to wrap his head around what went wrong. There must have been a sign or something. 

Percy was always proud. He held his head high and took everything he was involved in too seriously. He thought he was important but he knew better now.

With that pride, came the expectation of being perfect. He had to show no weakness or flaws. He put a lot of pressure on himself to be the perfect student, the perfect friend, and the perfect son. This image of perfection caused a lot of emotional turmoil. 

He decided early on that his family couldn’t know about Oliver. The perfect son wouldn’t have a boyfriend. He couldn’t imagine what Oliver sacrificed so that Percy could hide behind his mask of perfection. That was one problem that he could think of. 

Percy never did tell his parents about it. He didn’t want the part of the mask he still managed to hide behind to crack. Not now anyway. 

He wasn’t the only one with faults, though. Oliver was always possessive of Percy. Even before they started dating, Oliver would get jealous when he saw Percy talking to other people. Didn’t he understand that they were best friends? 

He would get irrationally mad when he heard someone making fun of Percy. It wasn’t a secret that Oliver was a bit of a hothead. He tried to control it but when it came to Percy he just couldn’t. 

When they started dating he grew even more possessive of him. Every moment that wasn’t occupied by school or quidditch, he wanted to be occupied with Percy. He didn’t mean to try to cut Percy off from everyone else but that’s what happened. 

Percy didn’t even recognize it until the relationship was over. He was angry when it ended. It was as if Oliver thought he couldn’t handle things himself. He was tired of people trying to tell him what he should do with his life. 

Once he left his family, their relationship was a ticking time bomb. They both knew it but neither of them wanted to admit it. Delaying the inevitable wouldn’t do anything but give both of them false comfort. Laying in a lie only made it worse. 

Percy couldn’t help but wonder what would be different if he had ended it when he knew it was over. Maybe he wouldn’t have imploded the way he did. Maybe he wouldn’t have had to wait 2 years to even see him again. 

Not all of it was as bad as the worst parts. He looked back on the good parts with a sad fondness. How they would just lay together for hours on end, doing nothing except appreciating each other. How Oliver was the only person he could truly be himself with. He was still having problems being himself around people. Oliver never judged him as his family did. 

He remembered how Oliver had tapes of muggle bands that they would listen to when they were alone in their dorm room. He was walking in the muggle part of town one day and the record store was playing one of them. He wanted to go in, ask what the band was, buy every album they had there, and play them over and over again. Play them so much that every shred of emotion he felt about it was strained. Until he could hear it without thinking about Oliver. Until it was nothing more than sound to him. 

But he didn’t. He couldn’t find it in himself to try and bury the thing that made him so happy all those years ago. He couldn’t find it in himself to try and cut all of it off no matter how much it all hurt. 

Did he still love Oliver? That was up for debate. He grew up a lot since then and supposed Oliver did too. Would they even recognize each other anymore? Would that be a good or bad thing? 

The train should be arriving at the station soon. At least that’s what it felt like. He could’ve been so wrapped up in his mind that he managed to warp time. He looked over at the other passengers. Most of them were sleeping or listening to something through headphones. Either way, it was silent besides the hum of the train. 

He tried to enjoy the silence. Trying to push every thought out and sit with the quiet that surrounded him. He used to thrive in silence but lately, he couldn’t stand it. But he forced himself to stay still and bask in it for what it was. It was either that or thinking more about Oliver which he wasn’t ready to do. Not in public anyway. 

Soon enough the train stopped. It had to be late now. He didn’t bother checking his watch. He just grabbed his bag and got off the night train.


	2. A Dingy Hotel Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time they had planned to meet is coming near and Percy is still trying to convince himself this is a good idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello LGBT community. I have come to present another chapter of this fanfic. If you like my writing, you should definitely follow Ezmiho on Soundcloud. Cheers.

There were two ways this could go. They could revive their friendship or ruin it further. Either one would be a change and the last thing Percy wanted right now was change. He should’ve never gone through with this. 

Everything in him was telling him to run the other way and forget any of this ever happened. Forget about Oliver until he was actually going to be ready to face him again. If he would ever be ready to face him again. 

But he knew he couldn’t run from this. He already replied to Oliver’s letter. He was already in London. To bail now would be cruel and Percy would never be cruel. Maybe a bit direct and high-strung but never cruel. It was far too late to change his mind. 

Percy looked at the clock in his tiny hotel room. There was only an hour until he was supposed to meet Oliver. His hands nervously tapped on his legs. He tried to think about what to say to him. What could you say to someone after it’s been two years? After the last time, you have talked to them was screaming in their face? 

So maybe Percy was cruel once. Maybe he had said things he didn’t mean to Oliver before storming out of their shared apartment with his things and never talking to him after. His mind would replay that moment every chance it could. He could taste the venom in his voice as he threw insults at Oliver and said he was never coming back. And for his credit, he never did come back.

He hated himself for it. Oliver didn’t deserve any of it. Percy didn’t deserve him. He took a deep breath in. This wasn’t something he wanted to get mentally wrapped up in. It’s not like Oliver would bring it up today. 

45 minutes. Percy was pacing the room trying to calm himself down. This was going to be a normal encounter. Just treat it like how you would talk to your other friends. What other friends? He hadn’t really talked to people outside his family in a while. 

He started picking at the dark teal threads of his jumper. Merlin, this whole situation was nerve-wracking. It was only half an hour now. In 30 minutes he would see Oliver once again. An Oliver that would be undoubtedly different from who he left in that apartment all those years ago. 

There was no hiding the fact that Percy was different not only in appearance but also in attitude. His somewhat confident demeanor had been all but dissolved and replaced by a quiet meekness. The things that used to make him happy didn’t make him feel anything anymore. He wanted to be happy more than anything but he kept telling himself he didn’t deserve to be happy. 

Maybe that’s why he was so hesitant about talking to Oliver again. Oliver made him so happy all those years ago. His brain was so insistent that he did so much wrong with his life and that meant he should never be happy. And he believed it. Believed it so much that he felt guilty every time he did something for himself. 

15 minutes. He should be heading out to meet Oliver now. He put on his coat and left the hotel room. This was happening no denying it. Luckily, the park wasn’t too far from where he was staying. A short enough distance to walk and get there on time. 

There were only 5 minutes left when he reached the park. He scanned the area for Oliver but didn’t see him. It wasn’t worrying to Percy. The Oliver he knew would never be early to anything. He sat down on a bench close by and waited with nervous anticipation. Waiting to see the familiar sight of Oliver Wood.


End file.
